both images found on google and are not my own.
as you probably already know, i'm a massive queen fan. they literally rule my whole life. so of course, i was fucking excited when i heard that they (along with adam lambert) were headlining sonisphere. however, i was excited, but at the same time i was suddenly so bloody depressed.
the first reason for this is that i can't go to sonisphere. there are three reasons why. one is that day tickets for sonisphere are £82 and i just can't afford it. another reason is that none of my friends like queen enough to go with me and also spend £82, and i definitely couldn't pay someone to come with me like i did for wwry. the last reason is that sonisphere takes place at the other side of the bloody country. sonisphere is held somewhere near london, and i live in leeds. travel would be excruciatingly expensive and, since i'd want to stay to the very last second of queen's set, i wouldn't be able to get back that night and would have to stay in a hostel somewhere. all of that would add up for over £100 for travel / accommodation and it's way too much.
another reason is that i miss freddie. whilst still being hopeful that i might scrape up the £82 to go with my parents (before i figured out all the other costs), i put 'queen rock montreal' on through my headphones and imagined that i was there, in a crowd full of people, suddenly hearing "mama... just killed a man...", the crowd roaring and oh, it was the best feeling ever. it took me a while, however, to realise that even in my imagination, it was freddie commanding the stage, and i realised that if i did go to sonisphere, it would be both the best and worst day, because it would be queen, but it wouldn't be freddie. i had been so excited, and all of a sudden my world shook like the first time i heard about his death and i just needed him back.
of course i'd die to see the half of queen that is still going live. i've pretty much started praying that the success of this festival gig sparks up a tour and they come somewhere closer to me so i can see them, and although it would be amazing, i know that i'd probably cry the whole way through. either because i was happy at seeing roger and brian, or because i was sad that freddie wasn't there, or both.
the last reason why this gig has been occupying my head for so long (well, a week) is that i feel like it's a race. this gig has sentimental value to roger and brian, as it's the place where freddie played his last show with queen, and i'm slightly terrified that maybe they're ending on a high-note? let's be honest here, roger and brian are in their sixties and it must be tough to drag yourself through an hour-or-longer set. i'm sceptical of how many shows they still have left in them. since the place of this gig means so much to them, i'm worried that maybe they'll play here and then leave it. so when i heard about this gig, i was sort of... in a rush to get tickets. i need to see them live before something bad happens and i'm terrified that i might miss the chance to see them one time and it turns out to be the last time. what would i do then? cry for whole weeks because i let them go like i let freddie go? beat myself up over not throwing enough tantrums to my parents until they agreed to pay for my ticket? i wouldn't be able to handle it. i'm just scared.
i'm sorry that this post has been kind of a downer. i needed to get these thoughts out of my head so i can get on with my life and forget about this stupid festival. i know that there's a line between what you write in a blog and what you don't, but i feel like my blog has always been a kind of 'anything goes' thing and i wanted to share this with you. hm. my friend holly is going to sonisphere so maybe she could ring me during queen's set? it's the best i can hope for. x